Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
