I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
