i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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