Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
