At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
