Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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