Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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