I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize