# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think people are normalizing furries
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
