So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I didn't notice because vodka
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
