what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
