Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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