she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
