In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
