If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
