I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
