I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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