just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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