those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
