Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
