I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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