u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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