How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
