i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
