After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
