ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
