no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
