my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Acid is not a monday night drug
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
