When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
