I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
