Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
