I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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