The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
