I'm drive I can fine osifer
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
