During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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