I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
