VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
