I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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