Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
