I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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