direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
