Me too!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
