Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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