Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
