Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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