oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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