Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
