Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
