Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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