Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
