I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
